i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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