Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
