I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
