I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
