So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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