Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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