addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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