Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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