Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
