Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
