I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
