Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
