babies were throwing up all over the place
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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