Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
