just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
