i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
