how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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