Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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