Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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