im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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