I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
