So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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