god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
