i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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