i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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