Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
