i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
