oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
