I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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