I'm jealous of your bromance
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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