Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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