Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
