You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We're too hungover to prance.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
