Umm I'm too high to move.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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