Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
