I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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