The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
