Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
