My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
