Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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