I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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