everyone is single if you try hard enough
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
