I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Green mimosas i think yes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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