so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
