ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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