I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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