im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
