so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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