Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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