i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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